TO BE LOVED

The right man does not treat you like a possession, he respects you as a human being.
The right man does not treat you like you’re inferior, he treats you as an equal.
The right man does not make you do something that you are uncomfortable doing, he respects your wishes and values your opinion.
The right man wants to bring you home to momma.
The right man will voice the future he has wants for you two, and makes a plan on how you guys will achieve it.
The right man will push you to become a better person.
The right man will heal where it used to hurt.

​Here’s my post dedicated to my saving grace – Chad. At this point you’re probably thinking “this is just another sappy love post written by some twenty-something year old girl that has no idea what love really is” Well.. you’re right, besides the last part – or at least I know the love I have in my life, and I want to share it for another twenty-something year old girl, or the teenage girl, or an older woman who hasn’t found love yet, a woman who has loved and been hurt, or just anyone really. I want you to know the struggles that I had in my life, that lead me to know the love I have now.
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If you would have seen me at this time 3-4 years ago, you could have found me skipping school to go hangout with someone that only wanted something from me. No, I’m not just talking about sex. I’m talking about only wanting money, my vehicle (to take and leave me stranded somewhere), someone to clean up after him, someone to sit at home while he went out and slept with other girls and be there when he got back to take care of him, and act like nothing was wrong. Someone that he could physically, emotionally, and verbally abuse that stuck around no matter what. I had hit such a low point in my life that I didn’t even realize how horrible I was being treated. I was one hundred percent devoted to someone who didn’t even care if I existed or not. I was the definition of blind. I let someone walk all over me, and disrespect me to the point where I did not respect myself. I let someone make me feel so low, that I didn’t care if I lived to see another day (literally). I let someone take me, and turn me in to someone that I didn’t even recognize. Someone that skipped school, did not care about her future, did not care about her friends, and literally wanted each day to end in a sleep that never ended. That’s not even the worst part.. The worst part is that I couldn’t leave. I thought I loved this person, and I was so scared to leave, because this was what I had gotten used to, this was my normal. I spent months and months trying to build up the courage to leave, and when I tried – all hell broke loose.

When I finally decided that I had enough.. It was like a switch just flipped. I literally woke up one day, by the Grace of God, and decided today was the day that I was going to leave this jackass & I pretty much told him to shove it and (I’ll admit, the next part is definitely not the way to go about breaking up with someone like the person I was with, but it all worked out… eventually.) So, I downloaded snapchat for the first time, and added everyone on my facebook contacts, and started snapchatting guys that I had knew from mutual friends, and one of them happened to be Chad… Well shit hit the fan to say the least.

I wont go in to major detail…But, a few months later, a few dents in both mine and Chad’s vehicles, a couple of verbal/physical fights, many sleepless nights, and many, many tears later – I was free.

I had finally left the disrespect, hatefulness, tears, cheating, and lying behind. I had started to become myself again. I learned to not depend on anyone, and to make myself happy, and to do things more myself and no one else. My mom told me every day, that a well rounded woman is only complemented by a well rounded man, and that changed my outlook. I started caring about school, and doing more than just enough to get by. I started caring about myself again, my appearance, my health, my faith, my riding, all of the things that were once so important to me, that I had lost for so long, were consuming my life again. Along with one other thing …Chad.

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Days flew by, and before I knew it I was falling in love with him. I remember sitting with my friend Katie, telling her how scared I was because I was so scared to love someone, but it was happening, I was being consumed, a feeling that I knew so well, but in a completely different way. When I told Katie this, she told me straight up that I was lucky. She had known Chad longer than I had, and she knew he was a hard-worker for a family business, he was well-rounded, and a genuine person. Even hearing this I was still so scared that Chad and I were laying in bed together one night, and I just started crying… He sat for what seemed like hours, just listening to me cry, and holding me. I had no explanation besides the fact that I was broken. The next day he told me that he did not care about my past, and the decisions that I had made, or the things that I had done, that he was there to move forward and he only cared about the future. At that very moment, I knew I had found ​someone very special. Someone who can literally set everything that you hate about yourself aside, and help you become someone that you love, someone that you want to be, and support you along the journey.

It took me a long, long time to let Chad in. To let him see all my flaws in their entirety, to let him in on a level that no one had ever been before, to let him help me heal myself. There are still things that remind me of my past, and make me cringe when I think of them. But I’ll tell you one thing.. I am thankful for the place I once was, because the place I am now was one hundred and ten percent worth it.

Girls, if you are struggling in a physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive relationship, reach out to someone, and get the help you need to leave. Whether it is from your bestfriends (Thank God for Rayna & Katie), your parents, your church family, or a stranger, just ask! & Run, as fast as you can. I am here to tell you that someone out there will remind you how beautiful you are every day, someone will make you feel wanted, someone will push you to be the best you can be, someone will love you for who you are and not care about who you were before them, someone out there will want to give you the world, someone out there will cherish you and make you feel like you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to them – without wanting a single thing in return.
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There’s so much more that I could say, but to sum it all up – you deserve the world. You are beautiful, smart, funny, kind, and a hell of a catch, and any guy would be lucky to have you. Just make sure he shows that.

I am living proof that it gets better. Don’t give up on yourself. Even if you don’t fall in love with a man, fall in love with yourself. Find yourself again, do what you love, become who you want to be, do it for yourself and no one else. I was someone that I didn’t know… I was so depressed that I lost almost 20 pounds (& now gained back 30, haha!) I couldn’t eat, sleep, I could barely even think. I did not want to live my life, all because of one person that I let break me down so bad that I had no idea how to rebuild myself. It took my bestfriends, my parents, Chad, pretty much a damn village to rebuild everything that one person had broken. But, today, I am almost done with my Bachelors in Biology maintaining a 3.8 GPA. I go to bed every night next to someone who reminds me daily how much I am loved, I have a few bestfriends that are my shoulder to lean on, I have parents who love me and support me each and every day. I am blessed, and you are too.
I am planning, and building a future for myself, with the help, love, and support from someone who is equally, if not more hard-working then I am, smart, loyal, trustworthy, kind, and genuine.
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Here’s to you, Chad, and all the other men out there that helped a girl pick herself up off the floor, and put her back together. The job isn’t easy, and it’s one that you deserve a lot of recognition for.

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I love you babes, you are my saving grace, and a darn miracle worker for the person you’ve helped me become. I said it 3 years ago & I still mean it now; you have been and you remain, my favorite person.  

P.S. – anyone that needs help getting out of an abusive relationship, please feel free to reach out in any way, shape, or form. I will do my best to help you.
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– Tess
xoxo